Blog-achella X: Shooting You In The Face With Lasers

You know what really chaps my ass? The ridiculous amount of spam comments the blog has been recieving lately. I hardly think you're gonna drum up too much business for your penis enlargment cream/black transsexual furry dating site in the comments section of my little blog... although, to be honest, who knows what you pervs that read this are into? But still, stay outta my blog, spammers, or I'll cut you. I'll cut you bad...

Anyhoo, The Cribs are apparently the band Johnny Marr is in now. They are not as good as his old band, but I'm sure the singer is far more agreeable.

The Whitest Boy Alive is apparently the band Erlend Oye is in now. They're quite good on record and I was gonna give 'em a post until I watched some YouTubes. Homeboy doesn't seem to have it when singing live and I hate when that happens. But here's a cut anyway...

The Whitest Boy Alive - Timebomb (ysi)

Calle 13 is some sort of Reggaeton thing which, no.

Then we have the return of The Avett Brothers, who I covered the last time they played, and guess what... they may be cooler than your average bluegrass act, but they're still a bluegrass act, which means...


"Dur-dee-DEE-dur-dee-dur-dee-dur-deeeee"

But I kid...

Also covered here at Tonegents for his last Coachella appearance is DJ Erol Alkan. He's quite good and has a lot of mixes floating about the intewebs for you to peruse. Go check him out...

And then you have your celebrity vanity music project of the year, Zooey Deschanel's She & Him which I just kind of reject on concept alone. It's my blog and I can do that...

So who do ya like, Tone?

Fever Ray



Who she is: Karen Dreijer, the singer from The Knife and one batshit-crazy bitch. And I say that with love...

What she sounds like: Hmmm... well, kinda like The Knife, but you didn't need me to tell you that... and kinda like Bjork, but you probably didn't need me to tell you that either. So let's just say Fever Ray's debut sounds like one of the Best Albums of 2009 easily, a dark Pop masterpiece...

Fever Ray - When I Grow Up (ysi)

What I think: HOLY SHIT LASERS!



And imagine if the sound on that clip was better... promises to be the show of the day Friday, or I will personally buy you a churro. Have a great weekend, folks...

Blog-achella X: Like I Can Post With This iBoner

As someone who has a borderline inappropriate relationship with their iPod touch already, I can only say, iPad = Me want. Me want bad. Me want worse than world peace and 1000 puppies combined. (I love, by the way, that they are actually using the word "magical" on the Apple website. Guys, look, we know it's awesome, but calm down... maybe back away from the iShrooms for a second, 'kay?)...

Unlike yesterday, only one band to skip today and that is Yeasayer, yet another batch of Brooklyn hippies. Imagine if you will Animal Collective meeting some band that probably opened for R.E.M. in the '90s. Okay, they're not quite as bad as that sounds, but they don't really do it for me... so today we feature...

La Roux



Who they are: Miss Elly Jackson, she of the hairstyle somewhere between A Flock of Seagulls and There's Something About Mary, and I believe a dude whose job it is to find some knobs and twiddle them.

What they sound like: Here's the sort of interesting part which is probably why I'm feeling this one. Any current Synth Pop, by definition, more or less sounds '80s because it just does - and this for me is what makes most of it disposable. They already did the '80s, kids. It was called... THE '80S... and they pretty much nailed it the first time, so enough already. But Miss Elly up there is a well-documented '80s worshipper. So why does La Roux's music sound so damn fresh and not-typically '80s despite the obvious influence? It's called good songwriting, I believe...

(DMCA'D! OH SNAP! GOD FORBID SOMEONE LEARN OF YOUR BAND ON THIS WEBSITE AND DECIDE THEY LIKE THEM AND MAYBE BUY THE RECORD OR GO TO A SHOW. YOU WOULDN'T FUCKIN' WANT THAT, WOULD YOU!)

What I think: I think that La Roux is off to a nice start on the path toward Goldfrappian fabulousity, even though their live show seems pretty simple in comparison...



And yes, I know that's from a TV show, but if you check some of the other YouTubes, you'll see the show is pretty simple. I didn't say they're there yet, just on the path. Keep an eye on 'em...

Blog-achella X: The Case of the Fake German

Because life's too short to sit through mediocre music when it's 105 degrees outside, I'm gonna quickly skip through some stuff here...

When one listens to the songs on Aeroplane's Myspace, one asks themselves... does one really need to hear Doves or Robbie Williams remixed in an '80s Disco style? No, one doesn't really...

And if the band name Deer Tick isn't enough to turn one away, surely the lead singer that sounds like the love child of Bob Dylan and Sonny Bono will do the trick...

Now one such as myself would, you'd think, give the band Ra Ra Riot bonus points just for being from Syracuse. And I do, and they're not half bad... and enough of the "one" stuff, because it's pretty stupid...

So next up is Proxy! who are a rather unimpressive Russian Fidget House act... meh.

How about Dillinger Escape Plan? Nope. Look, if you wanna put a Metal act or two on the bill, its fine, but unless it's Iron Fucking Maiden I have not the time! RUN FOR THE HILLLLLLLLLLLLLLS! RUN FOR YOUR LII-IIIIIIIIIFE!

Now, I gotta say I'm somewhat intrigued by the whole concept of DJ Lance Rock of Yo Gabba Gabba! Quite possibly the best acid trip of the day, to say the least... you gotta check this out...



What. The. Fuck?

Next, Lucero, who may be one of the worst Alt. Country acts I have ever heard. Makes me wanna drink a case of whiskey, shoot my dog and crash my pick-up. So let's send you into the Sahara Tent today...

Wolfgang Garnter



Who he is: Actually he's Joey Youngman, a House producer from Austin, TX whom I've covered here before. What someone needs to tell him is that the fake German moniker doesn't make him any less fugly.

What he sounds like: He sounds like kind of a prick in interviews, but that's not what we mean here, is it? Actually, Deadmau5 is a lovely comparison...

Wolfgang Gartner - Latin Fever (ysi)

What I think: I think I'll give him the benefit of the doubt because dude makes pretty good records, but some pasty guy behind decks is not always the definition of "excitement". To wit...



Bonus points for rockin' the Pioneer CDJs. I assume, also, that the Sahara Tent will be slightly more happenin' than that party. I hope, anyways...

Blog-achella X: It's Okay If You Suck

Now, I realize that in a case such as Coachella, not every band is going to be great. Hell, you don't even want every band to be great, because that just creates conflicts over who to see. And conflicts just make us all rage-y, and you wouldn't like us when we're rage-y. But that said... seriously, where do they find some of these duds?

Like Sleigh Bells. They seem to be a combination of The Kills and Fidget House... which is an insult to the Kills for which I apologize. I hope Kate Moss doesn't go on a scotch bender and beat my ass for comparing her dude's band to this crapola. But it's a pretty decent comparison really, so suck it, Kate Moss...

Iglu & Hartley are apparently an L.A. band, although I've never heard of them either. Then again... I never go out any more, so that means fuck-all. BUT! Awful, cheesy Pop. I mean, is this a Disney show I've never heard of? Where did this come from?

Not that I have a problem with little known acts... I just prefer little known acts that are GOOD at music, such as...

Ceu



Who she is: She is NOT Bebel Gilberto...

What she sounds like: ... but she does sound a lot like her...

Ceu - Rosa Menina Rosa (ysi)

What I think: I know... real 500-level criticism there, eh? But fuck it, it's accurate. It's a hot Brazilian babe and there's some electronics... it writes itself! But hey, Ceu does let a little Reggae into the mix, unlike Bebel, so there's that...



So yes, more of this, please. And remember to say thanks for the shitty bands, too. Because without them you'd be worried that you were missing something good. This has been "Deep Thoughts"...

Blog-achella X: Just Havin' Fun Out There

Battling through a stupid fucking virus to bring you your post today. Anybody ever have this Antivirus Live shit pop up on their shit? Annoying as fuck, I'll tell you what. Why can't my work use Macs? WHY?!?!?!?!

Okay, let's start the day with a couple acts who don't suck nearly as much as this virus, but still kinda suck...

First we have a band called Hockey, which is a pretty stupid thing to call your band if you want people to be able to Google you. However, while looking for their website I was able to catch up on the latest Don Cherry shenanigans. Love that batshit-crazy old bastard. Anyhoo, they're a rock/dance-yaddayadda-dime-a-dozen-these-days kinda outfit. Not horrible but I'm not going to encourage them, because enough already....

Then we get Baroness, who are totally metal... but I'm not. So too bad for them. Which brings us to our first repeat performer of the year...

P.O.S.



Who he is: A representative of the Rhymesayers crew from Minneapolis... I do not know his position on Bret Favre, however, so don't ask. (My position, btw... I have no problem with the guy... HE'S JUST A GUN SLINGER! LOOKIT HOW MUCH FUN BRITTFARRR HAS ON THE FOOTBALL FIELD! HE'S LIKE A LITTLE KID OUT THERE! Hmmm... you know what? I take that back. Fuck Brett Favre. Fuck him right in the dick.)

What he sounds like: Dude also has a Punk band, so you will find your Rap spiced with guitars and singing. But this turns out to not be a bad thing at all...

P.O.S. - Low Light Low Life (ysi)

What I think: I have been repping this album as one of the top Hip-Hop releases of 2009 for a while now, so count me as down. Now enjoy this YouTubes, particularly the Lindsay Lohan doppleganger in the blue...



I had no idea Sam Ronson did P.O.S.' beats...

Blog-achella X: Based on the novel Push by Sapphire

Greetings and welcome to Day 3 of this krazy kerfuffle, a day notable in that it's the first one this year in which I do not feel compelled to skip someone. How many of these days are there gonna be? Hopefully more than a few, but we'll see...

Little Dragon



Who they are: Three beardy Swedes and the hot Japanese babe that makes them bearable to look at.

What they sound like: If there's one thing Swedes seem to be good at these days, (other than getting rewarded huge amounts of money from Tiger Woods) it's fun, electronic Pop music. This latest album seems to be pretty evenly split between Trip Hop-y downtempo numbers and more dancier steez and... someone back me up on this... I have the feeling these kids have listened to a lot of Prince...

Little Dragon - Looking Glass (ysi)

What I think: See what I'm sayin' about the Purple influence there? Yes? No? Me crazy man go nutty in head? Listen to the whole album... it's there in most all of the uptempo songs, I tells ya! Prince, Goddammit! Anyhoo, moving pictures...



Gotta be honest, between this and the other live clips I saw on YouTube, I'm a little wary. Not exactly blowing me away with the live chops. Anyone out there seen 'em? Am I right? Wrong? Or, as the kids on the Coachella board say, a total A-hole? Wait... don't answer that last one...

Blog-achella X: Because Kill Whitey!

In case you were wondering, the "X" this year is not because Blog-achella has renounced it's slave name, but rather because this is the 10th Coachella festival. Last year was the 10th year anniversary, but they skipped a year, remember... "AHA!", you says. Aha indeed...

Today, we are going to skip the extremely wanky As Tall As Lions from Long Island because they're a bunch of wankers. Wanky band name, wanky music and OMFG-That's-Wanky black and white "Rattle & Hum" style video that plays as soon as you click to their website. Oooh, we're in black and white 'cuz we're serious and shit. Oooh, we don't like our producer or our record label 'cuz they're holdin' us back, man. Oooh, we have big stuffed chairs in the recording studio because we're like fuckin' bohemian like that. Wankers. Go wank off and get arrested for it...

Also not getting a full post will be Aussie singer/songwriter gal Kate Miller-Heidke, who's wanky in a completely different way. An extremely "quirky" and "precious" way. Barf...

Which brings us to...

Wale



Who he is: Mr. Olubowale Victor Akintimehin, a.k.a. living proof that sometimes having a stage name is quite necessary.

What he sounds like: Have not heard much of Wale's stuff except for his Seinfeld-sampling A Mixtape About Nothing, which may not be an "official" release (because he would owe Jerry Seinfeld all of his money and most of his internal organs from licensing fees), but it is officially dope. See what I did there? Bam...

Wale - The Crazy (ysi)

This mixtape is and always has been a free download... so go get you some!

What I think: Coachella continues to not have a hell of a lot of Hip-Hop this year (again), so if you like the beats and rhymes you're probably gonna go see this...



Which, ya know, a bit shouty... but then it's a Hip-Hop show and they can't all be The Roots, ya dig?

Blog-achella X: Chapter 1 - A Suspicious Lack of Outrage

So a funny thing happened today... the annual Coachella lineup came out and people aren't even pissed. What gives? Wherefore the bile? Oh, wait, I see... it actually looks really good this year...


(Click to Embiggen!)

Yes, there is a lot to like up there. But there's also... and I'm pretty sure this means I'm as "out of touch" as Hall & Oates... more bands than ever that I have never heard of. This looks like a job for Blog-achella! You know it (or you don't) and love it (or you will). It's a pretty simple concept... I'm gonna run it down and you're gonna check it out. I will only give full posts to bands I think are worth seeing. And if you don't agree with my opinions, I DO NOT CARE! YOUR FAVORITE BAND SUCKS, AND THAT'S NOT GOING TO CHANGE BY YOU CALLING ME A DOUCHEBAG IN THE COMMENTS, INDIE KID HIPSTER FUCKWAFFLES! So grab a seat, and let's see what we got here. We begin, as usual, at the bottom of Friday...

And the first name we find is one Pablo Hassan, who appears to be a local Dubstep DJ. Nothing wrong with that, so let's hope he has some good records ready for the 10 folks who show up to the Sahara Tent at Noon on Friday...

Next up, one Alana Grace, also based in L.A., with some non-descript Pop/Rock as featured in The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants. No, really. Don't need to say any more about that one, methinks...

And just so I don't seem like a big crab right outta the gate by skipping through a shitload of bands, the first Blog-achella post of the year goes to...

Jets Overhead



Who they are: A five-piece musical combo from Victoria, British Columbia, which is right next to Vancouver and therefore currently preparing to be overrun by shit-eating European Luge aficionados. I don't get Luge, man. Yeah, I wanna slide down a frigging ice chute on a board lying on my back at 80 miles an hour... because I would like to die. No fucking thank you. Love the Bobsledding, though...

What they sound like: Nicely atmospheric Indie Rock with boy/girl vocals... someone get Zach Braff on the line, STAT!

Jets Overhead - No Nations (ysi)

What I think: Not the kind of band I'm gonna get (making finger quotes) "excited" about but I can't quite hate them either. Just enough on the right side of "meh" for me to give 'em a post here on the first day because I'm feeling magnanimous plus they get bonus points for being from Canada. Don't ask why, because THERE IS NO ASKING WHY HERE! ACCEPT MY WORD AS LAW! Anyhoo, as always, if there's a live YouTubes out there, I will include it. To wit...



So yeah, you've just walked in and it's not too crowded yet so you sit down on the ground and check out some nice mellow tune-age whilst puffing the doob you snuck through security? I'll support that...

And that's pretty much how this Blog-achella thing goes. Join me, won't you?

Transylvania Two-Step

Well it is a damn shitty day here in La-la land... it's raining cats, dogs and the occasional wildebeest. Which has nothing to do with this song...



You don't hear about a whole lot of music coming out of Romania, but perhaps the dude known as TRG is here to change that. Well probably not, but it's a damn fine dubstep record he's put out here... absolute monster bass on this one...

TRG - Decisions (ysi)

Dude's got a nice blog, too, if you click on that link up there. The Coachella lineup may come out tomorrow, btw...

If it's Friday, it must be House

House Music Friday took a bit of an extended break which may or may not have involved it being briefly detained in a Mexican jail, but it's back... now.



I'm usually somewhat suspicious of House acts that have some kind of "house" pun in their names, but thesed dudes called The House Inspectors from Australia are solid...

The House Inspectors - Come Back (ysi)

So yeah, I figured I'd spare you from any crazed rants today... have a great weekend!

I know what you had for lunch

The question is not how well you know your blogger, but how well your blogger knows you...



... because I know what you're thinking today. Actually, I always know what you're thinking but I don't talk about it that much because I don't wanna creep you out... but I do know... and what you're thinking right now is, "Gee, Tone, your blog is the best thing on the entire internet and all, but you're really lacking in posting Zambian Psyche Rock. It's kinda disappointing. Also, I've heard you have a solid gold cock. Is that true?" Hey now, that's none of your business. But I can help you with the Zambian Psyche Rock. Don't know that much about Amanaz and I really don't need to, except that for some reason I can't quite put my finger on, this is one of my favorite songs in the history of ever...

Amanaz - Sunday Morning (ysi)

I mean, there's no reason for me to love this song so much... it's not exactly my usual cup of tea... but love it I do... so, um... there you go. AND YOU WILL LOVE IT, TOO! YOU WILL LOVE IT LONG AND HARD! REMEMBER, I'M IN YOUR HEAD, MAN! I COMMAND YOU!

That Sting gig just pays the mortgage...

Sometimes you find that the dude playing bongos for Phish has a little bit more going on than you'd realize...



Brazilian percussionist Cyro Baptista doesn't necessarily hang out with the cool kids. Looking through his bio, I saw that Sting, Melissa Etheridge and Bobby McFerrin are some of the folks he's played for and decided I'd better stop there. But I'm happy to say that it only appears that Cyro is only a part-time Adult Contempo sell-out, because his own stuff is pretty wild. Kind of a World music kitchen sink thing going on... which is better than that sounds. To wit...

Cyro Baptista - Nana & Tom (ysi)

Now you're probably saying to yourself, "that doesn't seem like the kinda guy who would be running out for encores of 'Soul Cages' and 'Brand New Day' broken only by a story about Sting's latest 24-day tantric sex experience"... and you'll think so even less after you watch him freak the solo (on some homemade instruments, to boot)...



And then there's his amazingly named percussion ensemble Beat The Donkey, which is... well, actually from what I watched that one's kinda gay. But nonetheless, Cyro is solid. And I love the hat...

Disco Chili Dogs

'80s revivalism... good or bad? Turns out the answer is black and white...



I'm pretty sure we can all agree that just about any music being made today that's too heavily '80s-influenced is usually a steaming pile of aural shit. I personally blame Interpol for this... because fuck Interpol, that's why. But here's a new record that has changed my tune somewhat. From now on, I think you can say that music being made today that's too heavily WHITE '80s-influenced is usually a steaming pile of aural shit. Because here's something that's quite a bit BLACK '80s and quite a bit good. Parallel Dance Ensemble is the name and somewhere between Disco, Boogie and early Rap is the game...

Parallel Dance Ensemble - Turtle Pizza Cadillacs (ysi)

That's a summer party jam, right there. Too bad I'm giving to you in the dead of winner. Irony, she's a cruel bitch. Anyhoo, this song has a cool animated video, so you know Im'ma show you it...



Audi 5000...

Live from The Comedy Pouch in Possum Ridge

Let's start the week off with some comedy, just for shits and giggles... and because the world is nothing but an endless, meaningless catastrophe spinning relentlessly toward a horrific apocalypse...



I've been around enough stand-up comics in my day to know this. Show me a well-adjusted, happy, non-something-addicted, productive member of society doing stand-up, and I'll show you someone who's not fucking funny. Comedy is pain, people! And Bill Hicks seemingly had his share. This short bit isn't even necessarily anything amazing, yet still it gets more laughs outta me than an hour of Dane Cook... well, unless Dane Cook had his leg caught in a wood chipper, which would be fuckin' HEE-larious...

Bill Hicks - Fevered Egos (ysi)

Go troll through some more Hicks quotes and decide... was he ahead of his time, or has shit just been this fucked up for this damn long?



Back to music tomorrow...

Scholarly rhymes

Today, the hottest thing to come out of Seattle since Sir Mix-A-Lot...



I know, quite a claim... but these two dudes known as Blue Scholars are good at the Rap music. I gotta say I especially like this song because, being of a certain age, I get every single '80s reference in it...

Blue Scholars - Morning Of America (ysi)

Hey, rappers on my radio... Why don't you do yourself a favor, listen to some stuff like this and learn to write some fucking lyrics. And before you dismiss that as a rant from an angry old man (which I am... p.s. get off my lawn) I offer you this bit of genius from the current Number 1 Rap song in the nation according to Billboard...

Sittin at the club oo shawty
Walkin past a nigga lookin at me all naughty
Then i said baby wassup
Reach for that hand shake got a hug
Bottles of H got me wit a lil buzz
Up in VIP wit all my thugs niggas
U leaned over and said u want me
Girl when the vallet pull the benz up
Off to the crib shawty where we gon end up

I rest my case. Have a great weekend...

What have you done with my vowels?!?!?!

The year, even the decade, may have changed, but some things never change here at Tonegents... for instance, if some act I've never heard of is suddenly the featured artist on Gilles Peterson's show, Im'ma go find me out sum-MO 'bout dat guy!



The dude up there in the kooky mask has been making waves under the name SBTRKT lately, as a feature spot on Worldwide will attest. The kooky mask is because he's another MYSTERY PRODUCERRRRRRR (Cue theremin/Vincent Price laugh). Hey, it worked for that Burial dude, right? Now... folks always like to think that it's someone famous behind the mask (even though in Burial's case it was just a bloke who more or less didn't want the bother of being recognized), which I think would only truly be awesome if the man behind the mask was someone so unexpected that you'd never, um... expect it and stuff. Like if it was, say, Ray J... think about that. Imagine if you found out this sick little 2-Step number... was by Ray J...

SBTRKT - Rekorda (ysi)

(As far as I can tell this one was given out gratis. So enjoy with a clean conscience... and clean underwear)

RAY J? WTF?!?!?... that would be somethin', huh? But... highly unlikely.

Oh, and you may want to go check out SBTRKT's page on my new favorite site, Soundcloud... the mixes are highly recommended...

The Hawk to The Hall!

Andre Dawson has been elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame! I'm extremely happy about this even though most of you have no idea what I'm talking about. But that's your problem...



Now, I would imagine it might be kinda hard being Clara Hill. She's pretty much "the girl" on the Sonar Kollektiv label, which means two things. On the one hand, she is able to consistently work with her choice of some of the most amazing producers in the entire world, and as a result her music is pretty awesome... but on the other hand, she ends up spending all of her time with a bunch of pasty, nerdy Germans who probably don't get out of the studio that often and masturbate to her furiously pretty much any time she's not looking. So it's a bit of a glass half-full/half-empty kinda thing, I'm sure. We'll just focus on the half-full side...

Clara Hill - Flawless (ysi)

I suppose one could make some kind of connection with the title of that song and The Hawk himself, but I'm not nearly that much of a huge, flaming gay. 'Til tomorrow...

Tee hee...

And now a return visit from an act we haven't heard from around here in almost 2 years. This is noteworthy because in the time I've taken to type these two short sentences, Gorilla Vs. Bear has put up 13 posts on Animal Collective...



It's an annual occurrence in these parts... a rite of the early winter if you will... they take to the Coachella message boards and scream, scream... scream for Boards Of Canada! And every year it proves as futile an undertaking as trying to find a laugh in Dane Cook's act or a brain cell in any Kardashian's head. But still they do it... and I don't hate, because if it ever happens I am ALL. OVER. THAT. SHIT...

Boards Of Canada - Sixtyniner (ysi)

"Sixtyniner"... tee hee... tee hee hee... tee hee hee... tee hee...

(three hours later)

tee hee hee... tee hee... phew...

We shall call him Bjeck!

Hey everybody! Well after a nice long break it's good to be back and I look forward to another exciting, death-defying, paradigm-shifting and ass-blasting year of the Tonegents Interwebs Musical Spot and Clambake. And what better way to start the year than with the song that was stuck in my head for the last two weeks of '09...



So this Bjorn Torske cat looks kinda like a creepy Nordic version of Beck, doesn't he? The kind of dude that would be like, "Hey little girl, come for a ride on my toboggan. I've got cannnnndyyyyy..." Or is it just me? Well, that aside, here's the best use of whistling in a House song since, well... "The Whistle Song"...

Bjorn Torske - Hatten Passer (ysi)

The whole record isn't all House, btw... actually dude is quite odd, as you'd expect from someone from the Nordic part of the world. I think it has something to do with the fjords. How odd is this dude? Well...



So yeah. 2010, folks... saddle up!