09 March 2007

Blog-achella '07 - The Cribs (Sat.) / Crowded House (Sun.)

Has Coachella jumped the shark? I'm starting to wonder, but first...

The Cribs





Who they are: Three brothers from Wakefield, England with unfortunate haircuts. Wakefield lies in the county of West Yorkshire, is most famous for its prisons, unemployment rate, the National Coal Mining Museum and the annual Rhubarb Festival. Book your vacation today!!!

What they sound like: To use another band we've previewed, take Arctic Monkeys and generally suckify them by a factor of approximately 3.87 (yes, slightly more than Pi) and you're there.

The Cribs - Hey, Scenesters!



What a think: That's a bit shite, innit? Of course they're hot stuff right now in the UK, but I think that has less to do with the music and more to do with the fact that the singing one has some sort of mouth injury (which apparently never fully heals) that causes him to bleed profusely from said mouth every time he sings and I mean, c'mon, how fuckin' PUNK RAWK is that??!?!

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Crowded House





Who they are: The most WTF?!?!?! band ever to play this shindig, if you ask me. Luckily I have obtained an excerpt of the transcript from the meeting in which the decision took place...

Unknown guy: "What time is it?"

Unknown guy 2: "5:30"

Unknown guy: "Shit, already? Okay, let's take 5. I gotta call and cancel my dermabrasion now. Fuck!"

Okay, maybe not the most elucidating excerpt there, but I have been assured... assured!... that the excerpt was indeed from the meeting in question. My source is good, people. You have to trust me on this one!

What they sound like: Wouldn't it be crazy it turns out they've re-invented themselves as a Drum & Bass act?

And now what you've all been waiting for...

Crowded House - Don't Dream It's Over



What I think: You know, if they were going to dig up some one-hit wonder '80s band from Australia, they could have had the common decency to make it Men At Work... come on, Goldenvoice! That's a slam dunk, there! Man, I should be running this thing.

But seriously though, between this, recycling the Chili Peppers again, and the bluegrass band, I think I hear a motorboat revving up somewhere... :P


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